Monday 12 August 2013

Sweet angel.

Why do I always have to catch cute things, like butterflies or ladybirds? Why can’t I catch fire or the small pox? Or even a bullet in my leg?

In the cartoons there’s a bunny with a tiny bunny on each of his shoulders. One is a little angel him and the other one is a little demon him. One tells him to do good, the other tells him to do bad. I’ve had a look over my shoulders but I could see no one. I think it’s because a long time ago, the tiny demon me slaughtered the tiny angel me and now he just wears his skin. It is who I am but people only see the sweet angel skin. Sometimes the demon wants to jump out and shout but the angel skin is very tight. One day he will find his way out. Not now, not yet. It would be quite nice and I would be freed but I can’t let them see the real me. In the meantime, I keep him busy.

They sometimes call me naughty. They’d be more accurate with nasty. It’s only little mean  actions, yet satisfactory. The maid got severely whipped for the silverware she had never sneaked in her drawers. From the vantage point of the heavy curtains, I saw the white skin of her back get more and more lashed with pink, then dots of red, until it turned fully purple. Then they kicked her out of the back door, half naked and sobbing pathetically. I never liked that Emily. She didn’t know how to comb my hair properly.
I found the stables cat hideout. She didn’t found her litter the day after. It’s annoying because now she miaows desperately at night when I’m trying to focus and write. But it also makes me giggle because I remember the funny high pitch gurgly sound from the bottom of the pond. Anyway, she won’t complain much longer; I heard the butler say that noisy cat wouldn’t last two more nights if she didn’t hush at last. 

It’s only bits and pieces, little mischief. When I am strong and cunning enough, it will be a different story. Day after day, I observe silently. I note I retain, I deduce I discern. I teach myself the art of deceit. I will grow manipulative, I will grow powerful. And the angel skin will fool them all.

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