Spring cleaning!

Mop the floors, dust down the top of every wardrobe and door frame.

Defreeze the freezer and clear every unidentifiable item from it.

Dislodge the fridge and sweep away the woodlouse corpses.

Attack the last inch of mould with bleach, make sure you wear gloves.

Beat the dust and hell out of the door mats.

Every mirror, every window should gleam and shine.

Degrease that kitchen hood. You know it needs it. And how about the top of the kitchen furnitures?

Make the tile grouts white again. Every last of them. Bathroom and kitchen included.

Plug the high sucking extension on your hoover, the long one, and suck up all the mess lodged between the carpet and skirting boards. (dust, rug pills, astroturf pellets, random screws, more woodlouse corpses).

Give the microwave a fresh start.

Get out all the spices, salt and pepper, wipe inside the kitchen cupboards. Same for the flour / sugar / tea one. Brush away all those remaining powders.

Once this is done scrub every door. The ones you open and spread your hands on so many times a day.

Get the last hair off of the living room rug.

May each smeared cloth be an ex voto, each dusty sneeze a prayer. Moping backaches shall be invocations, hoover chants shall be litanies. Let us clean together like we’ve never cleaned before and together worship Spring.

May Spring raise again in all its glory, may He resurrect from the cold ashes of Winter.